Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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