i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
