Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
