dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
