Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
