i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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