i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
