My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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