you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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