You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
