i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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