i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Houston, we have a blender
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
