I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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