She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
