ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
