Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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