I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
