I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
