I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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