So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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