Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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