dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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