Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
