Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
