I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize