i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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