Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
