I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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