I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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