Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
