I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
