Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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