I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
