at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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