this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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