He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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