It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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