You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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