wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
