I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
