Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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