M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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