Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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