on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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