please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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