Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
