i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
