Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
