Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
