i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
