Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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