I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just cropdusted the office
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Randomize
