forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
