I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
if only i could text you this smell
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
