I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
