I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
