If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
