Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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