I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
