where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
