You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
